12 Levels of Friendship (And Why It Changed How I See Connection)

Honouring the full spectrum of friendship — and why we don’t need to be everything to everyone.

Circle of Joy is where this work comes to life - a soft space for deep feelers and gentle action-takers. Guided practices have arrived for subscribers, with more on the way. You’re warmly invited to join us.

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Friendship Pyramid via Arabic Words

In Arabic, there are twelve levels of friendship — and for each level, there’s a unique word to describe it. The first time I heard about this from an Egyptian uncle, it quietly blew my mind.

I had always seen friendship in stark terms: either we’re close, or we’re not. Either we’re in or we’re out. But this layered, mindful approach to connection helped me see relationships through a much gentler lens.

Here’s the part that really shifted things:
Most of our friendships sit around Level 5 and below. And it’s not a bad thing. We just weren’t taught that there’s a whole spectrum of ways to belong to each other.

This framework gave me language for things I’d felt but never known how to name: why I still feel close to someone even if we only catch up once a year. Why it’s okay if someone no longer feels aligned, and we drift — not out of bitterness, but seasonality.

Let me introduce you to the 12 levels:

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The Everyday & Casual Friendships

1. 𝙕𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙡 (زميل) – someone you have a nodding acquaintance with
   The barista who knows your name, the fellow school gate parent you smile at.

2. 𝙅𝙖𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙨 (جليس) – someone you're comfortable sitting with for a while
   Maybe it’s the fellow parent you always chat with at pickup, or the friend you love grabbing coffee with even if you never go deep. You simply enjoy being around them.

3. 𝙎𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙧 (سمير) – someone you have pleasant conversations with
   You might bump into each other and have an unexpectedly long, lovely chat.

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Building Real Connection

4. 𝙉𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙚𝙢 (نديم) – a tea companion you call when you’re free
   Someone you’d spontaneously message to catch up over coffee or lunch.

5. 𝙎𝙖𝙝𝙞𝙗 (صاحب) – someone who genuinely cares about your wellbeing
   They check in when you’re going through something. They notice.

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Deepening Bonds

6. 𝙍𝙖𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙦 (رفيق) – someone you can depend on
   The one you’d plan a holiday with, or spontaneously text about life decisions. You move through the world with a similar rhythm.

7. 𝙎𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙚𝙦 (صديق) – a true friend
   They’ve seen you cry, celebrate, and come undone — and they’ve shown up through it all. You know they’d have your back in a crisis.

8. 𝙆𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙚𝙚𝙡 (خليل) – someone whose presence brings you joy
   You don’t have to perform or explain yourself. There’s ease, silence, shorthand. They just get you.

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Soul-Level Friendships

9. 𝘼𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙨 (أنيس) – someone with whom you feel safe and deeply familiar
   They’ve seen you at your best and your messiest.

10. 𝙉𝙖𝙟𝙞𝙮𝙮 (نجي) – a confidant
    You trust them with your inner world.

11. 𝙎𝙖𝙛𝙞𝙮𝙮 (صفي) – your chosen person
    The friend you’d choose again and again. The one you call first.

12. 𝙌𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙚𝙣 (قرين) – an inseparable companion
    You think alike. Feel alike. A rare and sacred bond.

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Isn’t that beautiful?

There’s room for the neighbour you share a kind word with each morning, the friend you see once a year but feel instantly connected to, and the person who once knew your heart but now walks a different path.

Here in the UK, there’s a phrase people use when describing someone they don’t quite click with: “They’re just not my cup of tea.” I’ve grown to love it. It’s a soft way of saying: we’re not aligned, we have different frequencies and that’s okay. We can still be kind.

I find this approach particularly helpful when supporting my children through their own evolving friendships. Instead of teaching them to label a friend as “good” or “bad,” we’re learning to ask: How do you feel in their company? Do you feel safe, seen, and supported?

This is emotional literacy. And it starts with us, too.

If you’ve ever felt the ache of a drifting friendship or the tension of feeling out of sync with someone you once cherished - maybe this framework will help you, too. Maybe it's not a rupture, just a recalibration.

In Circle of Joy, we’re learning to nurture friendships that feel aligned — and also honour the quiet wisdom of letting go. Especially for deep feelers, parting ways can stir guilt or grief, but creating space is often what allows something more authentic to grow.

Have you heard of the 12 levels of friendship before?
How has your relationship with connection changed over time?

Let me know in the comments, or forward this to a friend you cherish — at any level 💌

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Circle of Joy is where this work comes to life - a soft, grounded space for deep feelers and gentle action-takers. It’s where we go beyond the ideas and into embodied practice, with live sessions, guided reflections, and community support. Available to paid subscribers - and you’re warmly invited to join us.